I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
