u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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