Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
