Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
