we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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