It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
