I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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