his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
