12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I was not drunk enough for that final.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
