His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
