This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
