loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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