I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
