Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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