In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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