do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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