Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Dear god my vagina.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
