he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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