I wish I could teleport
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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