I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Dick very happy bro
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
