walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
There r osticjed everywhere
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
