We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
