It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Quick, to the slutcave!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
