textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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