I cannot find my penis.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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