I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
