I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Drunk is a universal language darling
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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