I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize