I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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