And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
