Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
