We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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