I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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