Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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