so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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