I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
