So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Randomize
