Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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