Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
