hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
