My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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