and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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