a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Randomize
