Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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