DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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