JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
