Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
