my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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