At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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