Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
