he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
