well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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