You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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