just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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