WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
