They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
