Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
