Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
