How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
