we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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