I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
