Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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