Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
