Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
His hands were made for my vagina.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize