just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
