While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
