I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
