It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
