you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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