i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
