Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Randomize
