well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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