Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
