and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
