The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
