i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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