so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
