He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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