Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
