Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
