dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
