If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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