it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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