you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
