Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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