I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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