ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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