Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
