I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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